According to research from the Military Health System, problematic anger is one of the more commonly reported issues among military personnel and Veterans.
We’ve all been there. Feeling anger when a careless or unaware driver cuts us off in traffic. Letting our temper get the better of us when someone betrays our trust. Feeling anger is a common reaction to stressful and upsetting situations, but when anger begins to negatively impact your daily life and relationships, it may be time to do something about it. Learn more about anger, tips for controlling it and resources that can help.
When Does Anger Become a Problem?
Anger can range from mild irritation to intense rage. Unaddressed anger can lead to frequent arguments, road rage and poor decision-making. It can escalate into physical violence, domestic abuse and child abuse.
Anger is a normal emotion we all experience. But when it becomes too frequent or too intense, when it begins to negatively impact relationships, or when it causes you to act in harmful or aggressive ways, you may need help to manage it. Here are some signs you may have an anger problem:
- Acting out, yelling a lot or having outbursts at home or work
- Having a low tolerance for minor irritations, getting easily frustrated or overreacting to everyday situations
- Becoming physically aggressive toward others
- Getting violent toward yourself, others or objects
When anger goes unmanaged, it can lead to health issues such as:
- High blood pressure
- Headaches
- Increased risk for heart attack
- High cholesterol
- Chronic pain
- Stomachaches
- Early death
Anger and Its Connection to Military Experience
According to research from the Military Health System (MHS), problematic anger is one of the more commonly reported issues among military personnel and Veterans. MHS also reports the most prevalent reintegration problem reported by Iraq and Afghanistan combat Veterans is difficulty controlling anger.
One connection between anger and military experience is related to the challenges that can arise during the transition from military to civilian life. According to a study from JAMA, the prevalence of problematic anger is highest during the first two years following separation from the military. This anger was associated with later difficulties in behavioral, economic, relationship and behavioral health among Veterans. Learning that problematic anger is a risk immediately following separation from the military may encourage Veterans to seek additional help during this time.
In addition to the challenges associated with reintegration, anger and aggression are both symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Some Veterans may have unaddressed or unresolved anger about a traumatic event from their military service, such as combat, an injury or a military sexual assault. Individuals with PTSD often experience symptoms of tense emotions and irritability, which can increase the likelihood of responding to situations with anger or aggression. Learning how to control anger can be an important part of managing PTSD.
How to Manage Anger
Anger can show up so fast you might react before you realize it. This ability to react quickly can be a useful skill in the military, especially in matters of life or death. But after leaving the military, learning how to slow down, weigh your options and keep your anger responses controlled can be extremely helpful.
Check out these tips based on suggestions from the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on how to manage anger:
- Become aware of triggers. Try to figure out what triggers your feelings of anger. Triggers are things that “trigger” or bring up feelings of anger inside you. A trigger can include things like being stuck in traffic or feeling disrespected. It could be people talking loudly when you’re trying to work or getting an expensive bill in the mail. It could be reminders of military combat or a difficult loss you suffered. Knowing your triggers can help you understand patterns of anger and help you manage your response when you start to feel anger.
- Notice warning signs. See if you can figure out when you’re starting to feel anger before losing control. You might notice changes in your body, like an increased heartbeat or your jaw tightening. You might notice thoughts like “I’ll show him!” or feelings of hurt or fear that end up being expressed as anger. When you begin to notice these signs, you can slow down, assess the situation and choose how to respond in a helpful way.
- Take a timeout. Getting away from a difficult situation doesn’t mean you’re giving up or letting someone else win. Sometimes, stepping away is the best way to manage emotions. Ask yourself: Will my response be helpful? Can I come back to this later? Once you take a 10 or 15-minute break, you may find you have a much better handle on your emotions.
- Learn about relaxation techniques. Knowing how to relax can be really helpful. You can start by taking slow, deep breaths and can learn how to meditate or use mindfulness to stay grounded in the present. Yoga is another technique many Veterans use to reduce stress. Tactical Breather is a free downloadable app that can be used to help you learn to control your responses during stressful situations.
- Reach out to a friend. Identify one or two people you can talk to when you’re angry – someone you trust, who will listen and not egg you on, who will help you relax and remind you it’s acceptable to walk away.
- Take care of yourself. When you get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet and find time to exercise, you’re better able to cope with stress and manage emotions.
- Create a daily routine. A daily routine may help you feel more in control, which may help you stay calm. Try getting up and going to bed at set times, adding physical movement into your daily routine and establishing a limit to your screen time.
- Communicate effectively. Good communication skills can help you talk calmly rather than overreacting. To do this, you’ll need to work on actively listening without jumping to conclusions and speaking respectfully without aggression.
- Get help with anger. You may find that you need additional support to get your anger under control. VA has a wide range of mental health resources, and a mental health care provider can help you figure out if your anger is a symptom of another issue, such as PTSD or depression. You can explore different treatment options such as therapy or a support group to get the help you deserve.
If anger is affecting your life or those around you, reach out. Take a look at the resources below for additional information.
Resources
- Watch this video from the Defense Health Agency for five tips to manage anger in a healthy way.
- Check out different mobile apps that may help you control aspects of your anger, including Tactical Breather and Mindfulness Coach.
- Take the Anger & Irritability Management Skills course offered by VA. Learn how to control your reactions, relate to people in difficult situations and more. It’s free, requires no personal information and you can do it anytime on a tablet, phone or laptop.
- Check out Make The Connection to hear stories from other Veterans who have dealt with intense anger and have been able to find coping techniques that work.
- Contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, call or text 988.