If you apply a few basic principles, you can turn these tough conversations into positive and productive experiences.
Whether it’s a political topic you’re discussing with a coworker or a financial concern you’re expressing to your partner, it can be difficult to have conversations with someone you disagree with. Often it may seem easier to avoid these conversations altogether, but if you apply a few basic principles, you can turn these tough conversations into positive and productive experiences.
The Upside
Maybe you’ve been avoiding talking to a friend who has a different parenting style, or maybe you don’t want to bring up lifestyle differences with family members. But, keep in mind that there can be benefits to having difficult conversations.
- Hearing different ideas and opinions is an important way to open your mind to things you haven’t thought about before.
- Your perspective might evolve or strengthen as you hear someone else’s ideas. When you learn more about an opposing viewpoint, it may help you better understand your own arguments or ideas.
- You may learn more about the person you’re talking to. When you take the time to understand where someone is coming from, it can deepen your connection.
- It’s easy to assume that someone with opposing views has nothing in common with you. But when you have a conversation, you may find you have more in common than you originally thought.
- Holding conversations with people who aren’t exactly like us can strengthen our communities. Social media platforms succeed by creating echo chambers for our ideas, mostly connecting us to like-minded individuals. These algorithms don’t leave us a lot of opportunities to disagree in healthy or productive ways. We may build stronger bonds within our communities when we choose to hear the other viewpoints.
Tips for Engaging in Positive Conversations
Whether the conversation is about who should take out the trash or how you feel about the documentary you just watched, you can take these tips and apply them in your conversations to make them as positive and healthy as possible.
- Avoid personal insults or attacks. Comments like “You never help around the house” or “You’re an idiot if that’s what you think” do not move the conversation forward and can leave you both angry and upset.
- Practice empathy. Trying to understand where someone is coming from is a good place to start any conversation. Assuming you know already, or believing that someone’s beliefs are ignorant, is not. Try to see their perspective, how it was formed, and the reasons behind it. Knowing the “why” behind an opinion can often help you see things in a different way.
- Remember it’s OK to disagree. A successful or productive conversation doesn’t mean everything ends in perfect harmony. It’s completely normal to end the conversation with the same opinion you started with.
- Listen. This is harder than it sounds, especially if you’re hearing things you disagree with. To really listen, avoid interrupting, eye-rolling, gesturing, or getting angry while someone is talking.
- Avoid getting too emotional. If you find yourself getting overly emotional, you can agree to end the conversation, walk away, or move on to a different subject. An angry outburst isn’t going to change anyone’s mind, and you may regret it later. This doesn’t mean you have to silence yourself. If something is important to you and you’re passionate about it, share your ideas. But do your best to focus your energy in a productive and rational manner.
- Consider whether the conversation is worth it. If your partner is spending more than your family can afford, that’s a conversation you should have. If it’s a conversation about your political thoughts with someone you just met at a party, maybe it’s not. Some people are comfortable talking about all kinds of topics, while others may not be.
- Find common ground. If you dismiss everything someone says, the conversation isn’t going to be productive. Try to find small areas of agreement. For example, you may say, “I like your idea on …” or “I see why you feel …” Listen for what makes sense, instead of zeroing in on what’s wrong. If you start to lecture someone or act as if their opinions are beneath you, it’s going to lead nowhere. Sometimes finding common ground on an unrelated topic can be helpful.
- Know your intent. Why are you having this conversation? Are you curious what someone thinks? It’s become popular in some spaces to be dismissive and combative, to bully and belittle others. But is that the way to have a real conversation?
A positive and healthy conversation with someone you disagree with is not impossible. Practicing empathy, listening, and following the tips above can help you make the most of your next conversation.