With patience, strong communication, and available support, you can navigate challenges and ensure your relationship thrives after military service.
When your Service member partner transitions out of the military, it can be a time of great excitement and happiness. As a couple, you may look forward to beginning a new chapter of life as civilians. But the transition out of the military can present challenges in your relationship as well. Your partner may struggle with the changes in civilian life, and you may have a hard time reconnecting after spending time apart.
With patience, strong communication, and available support, couples can navigate these challenges and ensure your relationship thrives after military service.
Tips for Navigating Your Relationship After Service
Relationships can affect our emotional,
mental, and physical well-being, so getting back on track is an essential part of a smooth transition. A healthy relationship with your partner or spouse can provide happiness, comfort, and stability. It can lower your blood pressure, reduce your risk for anxiety and depression, and lower your stress levels.
Check out these tips to help you rebuild and strengthen your relationship after service:
- Be patient. Reintegration takes time. Veterans have to adjust to different family dynamics after months or years away from home, and they may have physical or mental wounds that still need healing. At the same time, you may have new routines and systems that you want to keep in place. Remain patient and remember, this is a process, and it’s hard for both of you.
- Communicate. Open, honest, and clear communication is so important as you navigate the transition after service. Your partner may struggle to share certain aspects of how they’re doing at first, and day-to-day chatter may feel unnatural. Be open about expressing your expectations, your concerns, and your feelings. Don’t ignore differences that pop up, and try not to make assumptions or jump to conclusions. Instead, talk through issues. The Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) offers a Couples Coach mobile app designed for couples who want to increase positive communication, work through conflict, and explore new ways to connect.
- Discuss roles and responsibilities. Work together to reintegrate your loved one into your daily routines. Go over what roles and responsibilities you’ve assumed, what changes you’ve made, and how your loved one can begin to help. Be flexible as you establish a working routine for day-to-day responsibilities.
- Spend time together. It takes
time to rebuild intimacy, trust, and the ease of companionship. Start with small, consistent family outings and meals. Find consistent ways to show affection and gratitude for each other. Remember that you’ve both changed, so spending time together can help you get to know each other again. - Prioritize your health and wellness. In order to handle the stress that can come during the transition from service, you need to prioritize your wellness. Be sure you’re eating a healthy diet, moving every day, and getting enough rest. It’s also important that both of you find ways to release stress and relax. Too often, we deal with stress in unhealthy ways, like poor eating habits, substance use, or isolation. Instead, try simple relaxation techniques, breathing exercises, a daily walk, or time with friends.
- Don’t take things personally. If your loved one is struggling to adjust to life after service, don’t assume it has anything to do with you or how much your spouse loves and appreciates you. For example, your loved one may be struggling with post-traumatic stress, survivor’s guilt, unresolved anger, and much more. Learning to separate yourself from the transition process can help you stay positive and supportive.
- Make connections. You and your Veteran partner need connections outside of each other to keep your relationship healthy. Find online or community-based groups, lean on your spiritual community, join a Veterans social group, or volunteer. Find a blend of things to do together and apart from one another.
- Pay attention to your Veteran partner’s mental health.
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, the average delay between when mental health symptoms first appear and intervention is 11 years. This delay can lead to strained and tense relationships as you wonder how to move forward. If you think your partner is struggling with mental health issues, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, or depression, reach out to VA’s mental health services. Convincing a loved one to seek treatment can be challenging, so get some tips for starting the conversation. - Seek support. You don’t have to do this alone. To start, reach out to other Veterans and families who have gone through this same transition, who can offer advice and share similar experiences. In addition, consider seeking help from a counselor who can help you address unresolved issues, manage stress, and learn to communicate better. Check out the resources below for the support you deserve.
Resources
- VA’s Whole Health program underscores the importance of healthy relationships and social connections as part of your overall health and wellness. Learn more about Whole Health and the classes and services it offers, like Air Force Veteran George Maurer, who used Whole Health to help rebuild his social connections after service.
- VA’s mental health services offer a variety of mental health resources, information, and treatment options, including individual counseling, couples counseling, family therapy, and support groups. VA also has civilian transition information and resources for Service members.
- Vet Centers provide a wide range of community-based social and psychological services, including professional counseling to eligible Veterans, Service members, and their families. Individual, group, marriage, and family counseling are offered in addition to referral and connection to other VA or community benefits and services.
- VA’s REACH program provides resources for Veterans and their loved ones to work on relationship challenges. Resources include mobile apps and self-help tools on topics ranging from parenting with PTSD to intimate partner violence.
- VA’s Caregiver Support Program provides resources for family members who are acting as caregivers for Veterans with service-connected disabilities. You can receive caregiver training, respite care, mental health counseling, access to peer support groups, and more.
Strengthening your relationship after military service takes time, effort, and patience. By prioritizing communication, renegotiating roles and responsibilities, and using available resources, Veterans and their families can create strong, fulfilling, and enduring relationships after service.