With the right strategies and support, you and your children can thrive during your next deployment.
Deployments and separations can be especially difficult for children. With more than 1.6 million military children in the United States, it’s important to understand the unique challenges they face and to have some strategies in place to help them manage their stress and navigate difficult times.
Learn more about how deployment may impact your children, tips for how to help them cope, and resources to support you and your family.
How Will Deployment Affect My Child?
Children, both young and old, may find it difficult to verbalize when they’re experiencing stress. They may not understand it or may feel like they shouldn’t bother you with it. Therefore, it’s important to pay attention to their behaviors, moods, and overall health and wellness.
Signs of stress will look different in children of various ages. For example, a toddler may sulk, cry, or throw a tantrum. A preschooler may regress behaviorally or develop separation anxiety. A school-age child or teenager may perform poorly in school, become angry, or engage in risky behaviors. Common signs of stress in children may include:
- Irritability, moodiness, anger
- Withdrawal from activities they used to enjoy
- Separation anxiety or clinginess
- Bouts of crying, tearfulness, or sadness
- Changes in sleep patterns, either sleeping too much or too little
- Fatigue or low energy
- Dramatic reactions to minor situations, like stubbing a toe
- Eating too little or too much
- Physical symptoms such as stomachaches and headaches
- Attention-seeking behavior
It can be challenging to tell the difference between normal stress and stress that’s more serious. If you’re unsure, talk to a health care professional who can help you sort it out.
What Can I Do to Help My Child?
Here are some tips from trusted sources with ideas on how to help your children cope with the stress of deployment:
- Be available. Notice times when your kids are most likely to talk, like at bedtime or on a car ride. See if you can start conversations or at least let them know you’re available to listen. If possible, schedule a time each week for a one-on-one activity with each child to touch base and show an interest in what they’re doing.
- Be honest. Many kids have active imaginations and will assume the worst if they are left in the dark, so it’s best to be honest about the deployment in an age-appropriate way. Your kids need to understand as much as possible about why you’re leaving, how long you’ll be away, and any other details you think are important. If deployment changes your children’s lives, such as living with a relative or changing schools, they need to hear these things in advance. Let your children ask questions and answer them honestly.
- Encourage your children to express their feelings. Don’t make them feel like they’re adding to your stress if they share their worries or emotions. Instead, encourage them to tell you how they’re feeling. Do your best to answer questions, listen, and make them feel as secure as possible.
- Check in with others. Communicate with your children’s teachers, coaches, friends’ parents, or anyone else who might know how your children are doing. Someone else may have some insight into behavior or moods you aren’t seeing at home.
- Be aware of your own stress levels. Children often follow your lead when it comes to how to manage stress, solve problems, and work through feelings. Try to model positive coping strategies and behaviors and even share some of your favorites with your children, such as yoga, deep breathing, exercise, and more.
- Engage in stress-reducing activities. Set aside time to engage in stress-reducing activities as a family. These could include evening walks after dinner or yoga in the mornings. You could find a meditation to do together or something else that works for your family.
- Stick to routines. Keep your children’s activities, schooling, homework times, and bedtimes as regular as possible. The more they can count on to stay the same, the better.
- Explain their role. Instead of feeling helpless, unsure, or unclear during a parent’s deployment, remind them what you expect and how important it is. Doing well in school, helping out at home, and being cooperative are all valued and important aspects of their role during your deployment. When children do their jobs, it helps support the deployed parent’s mission.
- Seek support. You don’t have to do all of this on your own. Work with a mental health professional, talk to other military families, tap into available resources, or consider counseling from people with special training to help children cope with difficult emotions. In addition, accept help from family or friends to help you manage your own stress. Check out the resources below to get started.
What Resources Are Available to Help?
TRICARE – Your health care plan offers a wide range of benefits to help you stay strong and healthy during deployment, including preventive care, mental health support, and more.
Military OneSource has a parenting section full of information and resources to support military families as they navigate difficult life events such as deployment and separations.
Sesame Street for Military Families – This is a great tool for military families with young children. Find information, videos, and games to help your children deal with a range of military life challenges, including deployments, homecomings, and much more.
United Through Reading – With this free program, children can hear and see their deployed parent through story time video recordings. Stories are read aloud by Service members, captured on video, and shared as military children read along with their own copy of the same book.
Military and Family Support Centers – If you have questions or need help finding resources, contact your installation’s Military and Family Support Center. Military OneSource consultants are available 24/7 to answer questions and connect you to the support you need.
The Military and Family Life Counseling Program – This program provides free, confidential counseling to Service members and their families on or near installations. Counselors can help you navigate issues such as managing stress and adjusting to deployment. In addition, children and youth behavioral military and family life counselors can provide support on a variety of topics affecting young people, including anger, separation, and more.
With the right strategies and support, you and your children can thrive during your next deployment.