Focus on small, consistent efforts that strengthen your family’s bond and reach out to the resources ready to support you!
Many aspects of military life can make a family stronger. There is shared pride and dedication to service. There are new adventures and moments where everyone pulls together. But military life isn’t without its challenges. Deployments and trainings can keep families apart for long periods of time, relocations can make it difficult to have a consistent support network, and Service members can experience both physical and mental health challenges that can make it hard to maintain strong family connections.
It takes work to build a strong family, but there are several steps you can take to get started. Learn more about the importance of making meaningful connections with your children, as well as tips and resources to help make it happen.
The Importance of Connection
When a parent serves in the military, children often benefit from the leadership, sacrifice, and strength their parents show. They tend to embody these same characteristics and build strength and resilience of their own. However, research shows that the most common factor for children who develop resilience is the presence of at least one stable and nurturing parent, caregiver, or adult in their life. When a parent is present, it creates structure and stability, allows children to build trust and confidence, and helps to build long-term emotional and physical well-being.
But parenting is a challenge,
especially if there’s been a long separation from a deployment, a change in family structure, or an illness or injury that has affected your ability to connect with your children like you want to. Check out the tips below to find ways to strengthen your bonds with one another.
Tips for Strengthening Connections With Your Children
- Manage stress in healthy ways. When you’re stressed, it’s easy to lash out, snap, or want to be left alone. To avoid this, it’s important to manage your stress in a way that won’t affect your relationships. To start, aim for seven to nine hours of sleep each night, 150 minutes of exercise each week, and a healthy diet full of the nutrients your body needs. In addition, try to find a stress-reducing technique to use, such as deep breathing. The Department of Veterans Affairs #LiveWholeHealth series has quick and easy videos to help you get started.
- Create opportunities for fun. If your relationship with your kids is reduced to fighting over homework or battling over screentime, it’s hard to feel connected. Carve out time to have fun together doing something your child loves. For example, if your child is into art, surprise them with a painting class for the two of you. Or to start even simpler, try spending 15 minutes each day one-on-one with your child.
- Work on good communication. When you get caught up in the day-to-day rush, or if you’ve been away from your kids for a period of time, it can be hard to know how to communicate with each other. Start by listening. Ask about their day and genuinely listen without a smartphone in your hand or interrupting every few moments. In addition, talk openly and honestly. Children pick up on changes in mood and tension in the family, so if you’re struggling with something, talk to them about it in an age-appropriate way.
- Maintain a healthy relationship with your partner. When you have strong communication and a solid bond with your partner, it makes your children feel safer and more supported. A healthy relationship, even if it has changed in nature, can help your children thrive and feel better about opening up to you.
- Maintain consistent routines.
There are so many aspects of life you can’t control, but kids feel reassured and comforted when they have structure and stability. Even if you can’t control the big stuff, try to establish consistent bedtimes, meal times, and weekend activities. It builds trust and confidence when they know what to expect. - Learn about child development. Kids don’t come with a manual, but if you learn more about their development, you may better understand yours. Learn what behaviors are age-appropriate and what developmentally-appropriate discipline or parenting looks like.
- Give yourself a break. Parenting is hard. Allow for mistakes and understand you’ll have ups and downs. If you react angrily or feel disconnected from your children, remember that every day is a new opportunity to seek help, make changes, and try again.
- Access mental health services and support. Anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other mental health conditions can make it difficult to connect with your children. You may find you’re easily irritated or angered, or you may feel like isolating yourself from the chaos of family life. Work with a mental health professional, talk to other military families, and tap into the support designed to help you and your family thrive. Getting treatment to improve your mental health can go a long way in strengthening your family’s relationships.
- Get post-deployment support. A deployment affects families in numerous ways – routines and responsibilities change, roles shift, and parents and kids grow and change during that time. If your family is struggling to reconnect after a deployment, you may need additional support. Military OneSource’s confidential counseling provides Service members and their loved ones with support to address a variety of issues, including reintegration challenges.
Resources
- Your TRICARE health care plan offers a wide range of benefits to help you and your family stay strong and healthy throughout your time in the military, including preventive care, mental health support, and more.
- Military OneSource has a parenting section full of guidance on managing the challenges of military life. Military OneSource also provides free, confidential counseling for Service members, military couples, and eligible family members, including spouses and children. Get help managing stress, improving your parenting skills, managing your temper, and more. Military OneSource’s specialty consultations for new parents may be helpful as well.
- Sesame Street for Military Families has information, videos, and games to help young children deal with a range of military life challenges, including deployments, homecomings, and much more.
- Thrive, a free online parenting education program, offers programs to teach parents parenting strategies that encourage positive interaction and strengthen the connection with their child.
- Blue Star Families offers resources and support to help military families find community connection so they can thrive.
- National Military Family Association is a resource portal for military families in a variety of areas a family may need support in.
Focus on small, consistent efforts that strengthen your family’s bond and reach out to the resources ready to support you.